Hoss Jaeger - Hufflepuffs Make Better Lovers

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Ravenclaw found intelligence difficult to resist
Gryffindor cared less for brains and more for balls
Slytherin was a blood-purity fetishist
And Helga Hufflepuff she took them all

Hufflepuffs make better lovers
We are loyal to our partners through and through
Agreeable to change, accommodating to the strange
So giving and so easily amused

Once I loved a Gryffindor and she was mighty bold
She seemed so self-assured but had a sadness in her soul
She waved at me while she was high from sniffing potion fumes
She forgot she was flying and she fell right off her broom

Hufflepuffs make better lovers
We never take unnecessary risks
And sure we like our herbologic remedies
But we take precaution when we get our kicks

Once I loved a Slytherin and she was mighty cold
And also slightly racist, with big morals to uphold
When she realized I jeopardized her rigid family life
She left me to live boringly in the pureblood wizard right

Hufflepuffs make better lovers
We do not judge you for your rank or wealth
We’re sticking with no matter if the others don’t approve
So just sit back, relax because we got nothing to prove

Once I loved a Ravenclaw, and swore she felt the same
I wasn’t smart enough to overcome my sense of shame
We flirted and we skirted round but it became to late
It turned out I was learning at a much much slower rate

Hufflepuffs make better lovers
We don’t give a damn how you did on your N.E.W.T.s
There are bigger things that matter in the grand old greater scheme
Like friendship and acceptance and the happiness it brings

Someday I’ll love a Hufflepuff who’s just as sweet as me
She’ll make us pumpkin pasties while I pour her earl gray tea
I’ve had my fun and now I’m done with witches who just take
I’ll find my better finder, and I hope that she can bake

Hufflepuffs make better lovers
And we don’t care if you slowly get fat
We live next to the kitchens so best loosen up your britches
Or take them off, if you are into that

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